SPEAK TO ME

Aight; so, today, I’m going to just talk. And I’m not going to be talking about my health issues. Nope, this is about one of the many, many things that seriously pisses me off. It’s kind of stupid and petty and superficial, but it pisses me off no matter where I am, what I’m doing.

This is about texting.

Wait- STOP. I want to say that I am not, NOT, a stalker. I'm not creepy. I am not desperate and lonely. I'm not pathetic (I think- I hope....) But the end of this is going to kind of sound like it. So, disclaimer, I am not really a creepy stalker who must know whereabouts of everyone he knows at all times, or someone who desperately craves attention and needs people to pay attention to him whenever he speaks.

Now, on with the show:

 

See, I see all communication as a form of conversation. We spoke in person first; then, there was mail, which was advantageous primarily because letters could be long- you could transmit a lot of speech into a single communique, meaning that you could put all of your thoughts into a single mass and someone would read that. Essentially, you would take your entire mind and have someone else understand it all at once.

After this, eventually, phone calls came along. Now, this was an immediate, constant form of communication. A phone call is mostly like having an in-person conversation- you respond to the other person’s queries as you heard them. In a telephone conversation- or cellular phone conversation- you will have an answer to your question soon after you ask it. There is little delay; only the delay of conversation. However, particularly with the advent and proliferation of cell phones, phone calls can easily, and often do, interrupt one’s daily life. If you’re in class, you can’t take a phone call; if you’re in a meeting, you can’t stop everything to answer the phone. And even if you aren’t particularly busy, often a phone call can seem unnecessary. Calling to ask “Hey, did you remember to grab the milk?” seems, today, lengthy and excessive- there’s no need to call, as I’ll get to later.

Then came e-mail. E-mail could still send ‘snail-mail’ length messages, however, you could also transmit smaller messages for rapid give-and-take communication. E-mail, because of its instantaneous nature, allowed people to communicate ideas, Q&A, what they needed, and the like very quickly; however, because it could still be used to send longer messages, E-mail Is generally (I think) understood as a more sedentary form of communication; it does not necessitate immediate response, and if they don’t say “NEED IMMEDIATE REPLY” in the message then the sender generally understands that it may take some time to get an answer.

And finally, we have TEXT MESSAGING. Now, I have a serious love/hate relationship with texting. I do not like electronic communication (I type into my blog): there are so many things that are communicated by body language, facial expressions, etc. etc. etc… electronic communication leads to so, so so so many mistakes and misunderstandings. Any serious, meaningful talk should, in my opinion, absolutely- without question or debate- should be made in person. However, text messaging fills many gaps:

It removes the feeling that you’ve wasted someone’s time with a call. A quick text: “Don’t forget ___” or “Did you ___?” It gets points across quickly, without any confusion for accent or mumbling, without taking the time for full calls.

It allows conversation to take its time. If a phone call would be inconvenient, would interrupt the persons involved, a text allows them to take their time. If, as was proposed before, they are in class, they can do the following: hear the phone go off, wait until they are able to reply, then read the message and reply. If they’re in a meeting, same SOP. If they’re just busy, they have things to do, then the following: *hear phone alert, *send “busy, ttyl” or “not right now, ttyl” or just “ttyl”, *both parties wait until the busy party is free, and resume conversation.

And it is THAT which so angers me.

HOW HARD IS IT to pick up the phone and say “TTYL”?! HOW HARD IS IT to LET THEM KNOW that you can’t talk right now?! I’m a concerned friend; I try to look out for my friends. I try to make sure they’re all okay. So when I ask a simple question of someone I know has their phone and checks it frequently- FREQUENTLY- and they don’t answer, I immediately have serious concerns come to mind. I wonder what’s happened. Even tossing things like questions of a serious accident, I still wonder if something small has gone wrong.

Now, I try very, very hard not to involve myself with silly ‘social’ concerns and squabbles. I try not to try to ‘read between the lines’ and read people. However, I can’t help but be concerned when I don’t get a reply from the person with whom I’ve tried to speak. I have stupid things like, “do they not want to talk to me?’ and ‘did I piss them off?’, ‘what are they doing?’ et ad nauseam.

Long story short, I end up feeling insulted. And often, six hours later, I get a reply. But just as often, I won’t ever hear anything back.

Now, if this was a random comment, something small and simple, then whatever- it’s not a big deal, it didn’t necessitate a response. HOWEVER, when I ask something, well, I’d like a reply. Even if it’s not a vital question, I asked the question, so I’d like an answer. For whatever reason, I wanted to know the answer to the question. If we’re engaged in a conversation, and you suddenly drop off the grid and don’t answer, then my concerns of something bad happening rise again. And I’m annoyed, because I have no answers. You’ve just suddenly left me, for no reason, in the middle of a conversation.

Now, if that happened once in a while and you came back with, “hey sorry I got sidetracked with __” or “sorry __ came up” or whatever that took you away from the conversation we were having.

So, here’s my problem with this, because I know some of you are just rolling your eyes and saying “it’s a text, it’s not a big deal, chill out…”:

As I said, any communication is a conversation. So, texting someone is a conversation. If I walked up to you and said, “Hey, how’s it going? Long time no see- how you been?” and you totally ignored me, wouldn’t that be an insult? If I said “hi”, and you just kept staring into the distance and didn’t talk to me and ignored everything I said afterward, would that not be a blatant insult to me?

Yes, texts allow for a pause until they’re able to answer. But why, if you’re going to just ignore me for hours on end, when I’m absolutely sure that you’re using your phone, why would you not just say ‘later’?! Why would you not tell me you’d talk later? You don’t even have to actually talk later, just say it so I know you heard me and aren’t just ignoring me and aren’t bleeding in a ditch on the side of the road?

If I walked up to you and said, “hi”, and you said “Hey, sorry I was about to ___, I’ll find you later,” then wouldn’t that be fine? If I talked to you and you said “Look, I’m doing homework, I’ll talk to you later,” wouldn’t that remove the insult? Yes, that would negate an insult, and it would make me much happier and more relaxed.

I really just don’t understand why you would not extend that simple courtesy. There is no reason, at all, why you would not do that.

If you’re in class and can’t just send that little message, fine. College classes run, oh, an hour? Yeah. So how do we go for a day and a half with no responses? Nothing. Not a word. This is just so… it makes me angry, and I feel deeply insulted. It’s not nice to think- to know- that someone is ignoring you.

See, if this happened once in a while, no big. I’ve felt my phone go off in my pocket while a Staff Sergeant is screaming in my face, while a Corporal has me sprinting around cleaning, or making a mess, or just running, and I’m delayed long enough that I’ll forget about the phone, and it will wait until I go to lunch, or dinner, or breakfast; or maybe I won’t get to go to get food, and it will go until I go to bed that night (or morning). And I’ll apologize while I answer their message. But that’s every so often, and I apologize and reply. But I have a few people who do it consistently, constantly- they rarely, if ever, answer me when I text them, and if/when they do, it’s like nothing happened. And then if I reply to their reply, again, I’ll get nothing in return.

And here’s the thing: When I ask them about it, ask what was going on- what always goes on, if they just don’t want to talk to me, or what- they say something like “it’s just what I do,” or “that’s how I am,” “I do this with everyone,” etc. I. DO. NOT. UNDERSTAND. IT. Why the FUCK would you NOT respond when someone SAYS SOMETHING TO YOU?!?!!??!!! I don’t get it. At all. For any reason. I don’t care if it’s just me, or if you do that to everyone: it means the same either way. It means that you’re being excessively rude, you apparently don’t care, and you don’t think that what I have to say is of any consequence.

That’s it- if we’re friends, why don’t you want to talk? If we’re friends, it kind of necessitates talking. That’s what being a friend is- it’s talking to someone, telling them any problems, hearing their reactions, sharing concerns and problems, hearing theirs, et cetera. So, what, you don’t want to be friends? Okay.

JUST

SAY

SO.

HOLY fuck, really?! It’s not that hard to say “don’t call me, I’ll call you,” or at least, something to that effect. It is really NOT THAT HARD.

Okay, I’m going to stop talking, because I think I sound like a hyperventilating High School girl who’s whining about how her best friends tell her secrets and how her boyfriend doesn’t call her enough (i.e. “every other hour”)