Death From Old Age

Those of you who are reading this blog- if anyone is actually reading this blog (which I still find hard to believe)- you probably won’t much mind what I’m about to say, but I’m quite sure that there are people in this wondrous country of brilliant, hilarious, lovely people who would be offended and annoyed…

If you’ve seen the “Grey Dawn” episode of South Park, then you’ll get what I’m about to say, and it will be very funny.

If you haven’t seen it, GO WATCH IT. It’s pretty fucking hilarious.

And actually, before I’d seen that episode, I had already decided its point for myself:

Old people should NOT drive.

They just shouldn’t.

How many of you have grandparents who mix up your name? I get called by the name of every male cousin in my family before my grandmother uses mine. She does the same with my sisters, and my cousins, and my aunts, and uncles… She can’t keep names straight, even when she’s looking directly at the person in question.

My grandfather has driven people to/from the airport for decades. So he has known an awful lot about driving, traffic, about routes; but now, he’s losing his edge. His reaction time… what reaction time? He has trouble keeping a lot of things straight- all the things he was good at: exit numbers, routes, turns, etc. He doesn’t have the energy to keep going for a few hours, to keep alert in heavy traffic while he’s trying to make time and get somewhere on time.

And I’ve noticed this with a lot of older drivers.

People fear certain groups when they’re on the road: Young people, women, rednecks/tough guys, and Asians.

Asians I see more as a joke- I think it came from Asians immigrating to the United States and not having any experience with automobiles, and their stature making it difficult for them to see over the dashboard and reach the pedals and turn the wheel in a large car. But, either that’s obsolete, or I’ve just never really bought it because I’m not racist at all.

Rednecks and tough guys, that’s just because they’re dicks. Assholes. They’ll cut you off and think it’s funny. They love having the power in their big truck, so they’ll blast the engine- deafening you with the exhaust, covering you in the noxious fumes from their oversized engine, and cutting you off with no signal and running through traffic recklessly. They don’t care about driving carefully- they might as well be in a HMMWV, they’re practically indestructible.

Women are, stereotypically, more timid. They’re less aggressive and decisive- while that’s not always a bad thing, and these days it’s certainly not universal at all, there are many times on the road when indecision is dangerous. There are often times when you need to grow some balls- pick your spot, step on the gas, get into it. Times when you need to make a split decision and just make your move.

And finally, young people. Young people are typically the most feared on the road due to their inexperience. Because they’re new drivers, young people aren’t as sure on the road- indecision, as I just said, lack of confidence, and being uncomfortable behind the wheel are all very dangerous. If you aren’t sure what’s going on when you’re behind the wheel, if you aren’t comfortable with what’s going on, then you won’t be able to look around at what’s going on, you won’t be able to make your decision and make a move in time, they’ll hold up traffic, end up in dangerous situations, etc…. etc…

Now, the one people don’t think about a lot:

THE ELDERYLY (cue dramatic, dark, creepy music!)

Now, the elderly do not have the problem of inexperience.- they’ve often been driving since before you were born.

But that’s a lot of the problem.

See, the way I think of it (I might be wrong- I’ve never actually asked, but from listening to the elderly talk about ‘when I got my license…’ and on and on, this is what I’ve surmised: For the most part, the elderly got their licenses before we were toddling around in diapers- before our parents were toddling around, even. So when they were learning how to drive, how traffic worked, how to navigate, etc., traffic was moving at a slower pace. I seriously doubt the usual speed limit nationwide was 55- nowadays, you see 65 pretty frequently. Fifty-or-so years ago, I really doubt that traffic moved at the frantic pace at which is whips along today.

So, their early experiences were with much slower traffic- and yes, they’ve been around as cars got faster, so one would presume that they’d had time to adjust, right? Well, yes, except that while they’ve been in steadily faster and faster cars, they’ve been getting steadily slower and slower themselves. Their reactions and senses have slowed as they’ve aged, and as your abilities are influenced, in anything physical in which you have experience- sports, martial arts, etc.- you tend to fall back on your earliest, most basic training.

So, we have a whole lot of elderly drivers on the road today. Drivers whose eyes are not as clear, ears are not as sharp, reflexes are not as swift, judgment is not as sure, and are not as reliable as most younger people are.

Now, I do not agree with the solution in the previously-mentioned episode of South Park- taking away the license of every senior citizen simply isn’t necessary. While I do know many men and women 70+ years old who are fat, slow, have trouble moving, aren’t mentally clear, and can’t sense what’s going on around them very well (though hearing, sight, even smell or touch), I do know a good number of elders who are in better shape than many 30-year-olds I know.

What I really think should be done is the following:

Everyone should take a mandatory driving test EVER FIVE YEARS. (five years sounds good to me- one is far too many- there are way too many drivers to make a yearly test viable- the MVA would be even more packed than it is already, and a test every single year just isn’t necessary; it’s excessive) A test for EVERY driver on the road- no matter their age- would prevent an awful lot of bad drivers. It wouldn’t prevent every asshole who doesn’t pay attention from running someone off of the road, but it would make sure that everyone at least knows the basic rules of the road. A review of simple things like right-of-way and pedestrian laws would make a HUGE difference in road conditions.

So, five-year tests would make sure that the drivers on the road are knowledgeable and capable- well, not entirely sure, but better than it is now. The testing would make sure that new drivers don’t forget everything they’ve learned, and that older drivers wouldn’t become too set in bad habits and that they would keep abreast of any law changes. A comprehensive written test- NOT the bullshit they have now, which is about 5 questions that most 8-year-olds could answer- and a FULL driver’s test- something that goes through town, on open highway, taking some tight maneuvering- would make a huge, huge difference in the drivers on the road. It doesn’t have to be three hours on the road, but an hour? Perfectly reasonable, when you consider that you’re giving this person license to go and drive a vehicle that weighs a few thousand pounds at breakneck- literally, breakneck- speeds.

Think about this:

When you have your driver’s license, you are legally permitted to take into your hands your life, and the life of every single person you drive past. When you’re licensed to drive, the government is placing trust in you to drive past pedestrians, other cars, bikes, baby strollers, houses, office buildings, etc.- all filled with men, women, children, pets, valuables- you have a few million dollars in your hands, WITH the lives of a few hundred people.

If you hit the wrong bump, a patch of ice, whoops!, you’re now careening across the sidewalk- taking out 5 pedestrians, one of whom is pushing her double stroller- through a car dealership’s parking lot- damaging 3 brand-new Porsches, a Mercedes, and the Land Rover of a customer- and into the showroom- bringing down half of the glass wall, injuring three customers and a salesperson, and smashing into another Porsche.

So, HOW does the government justify handing a license to someone who doesn’t understand SIMPLE RIGHT-OF-WAY IN AN INTERSECTION?!

It just makes sense to me to have a regular check-up, to make sure that drivers are aware of laws, are still capable, and that their skills are still sharp. I don’t know how this hasn’t been the standard practice since driving tests became mandatory. The dentist checks you regularly to make sure your teeth are in good shape; the doctor does the same for the rest of your body; and you generally shoulder the responsibility of taking care of your body much as you shoulder the responsibility of keeping yourself in practice for driving. But if you’re still expected to make regular appointments to have your body checked on, why would you not have regular appointments to check up on something that not only threatens your health but the health of every person within a hundred feet of your vehicle?!

If this doesn’t make sense to you, I definitely want to hear from you, because it makes perfect sense to me. Like I said, I don’t see how this isn’t already standard practice. I want to hear any logical arguments in opposition, so that I might be able to understand why this isn’t already in place.